Becoming a mama for the second time, I think in some ways can be scarier than the first.
How will I juggle two babies? How will I manage two schedules? Will I love this baby as much?
So many feelings come up during pregnancy (thank you, hormones!) knowing that our lives are about to change SO MUCH! But second time mama’s have something in common, and sometimes it’s just those little questions or uncertainties.
Here is a collection of words including stories, tips of advice and words of wisdom from wonderful second time mama’s hoping to bring you hope!
Hi! I’m Christina from conlonlace.com! When I was pregnant with my second I was nervous but more so for my first born. I was so worried that I wouldn’t be able to love on her the way I had been up until then. I didn’t want her to feel like she lost her attention from her mama. Once my second was born everything fell into place naturally and my anxieties melted away. The kids bonded and my heart was happy. It takes some trust and patience and going from one to two babies is such a great blessing.
Christina
Mary
Hey there! I’m Mary from coffeeandmoxie.com and I would say that the biggest thing I noticed when I was approaching the birth of my second child was the bittersweet sense of having to say goodbye to a chapter of my life where I could focus solely on my firstborn. Some concerns I had were: would my oldest feel replaced? Would I be able to love my second as much as I love my first? Would I be able to still find time to connect with my oldest in the way she was used to?
Those fears and questions melted away once our second was born.
My advice to moms about to go through the same thing would be to have faith in yourself and your abilities to love your children as only you can.
Before the birth of baby two, you may fear not being able to love the second the same or as much as your first.
Truth #1: You won’t love them the same, because they aren’t the same. You’ll love them each uniquely in relation to their uniqueness. You’ll love each not more or less, but differently.
Truth #2: Love multiplies. It doesn’t divide. You may feel your heart overflows with love for your first…and it does, but you’ll find that your capacity to love grows with each new beautiful addition to your family:)
Ally
Hi there, I’m Ally from www.thishopefulmama.comand my second child is currently 3 months old. Towards the end of my pregnancy I was worried about how my firstborn would handle the divide in attention after the birth of my second born. I really wanted to spend as much time with him as possible to cherish his last few weeks as the only child. I was also anxious about whether I would be able to give my all to my second child.
We are still in the transition stage and honestly, it’s not been easy, especially for my firstborn (they are about 24 months apart). But, things are slowly falling into place. I think having number 2 really helps me to appreciate my husband more. I see my husband growing as a father, stepping up to put more on his plate.
To encourage other mums, remember that whichever phase you are in will not last forever and that it will pass. Learn to live in the moment and appreciate it.
I just had my 2nd son 4 months ago. I was nervous about divided attention, and how the 4yo would cope. He is absolutely in love with the new addition to the family! I had a lot of help in the transition, but I made special time (during 1 nap, or when someone was available to help) to spend focused time with my oldest, since he had my undivided attention for so long. This was and is Huge.
Aryn, www.arynthelibraryan.com/c-section-recovery
Oh I remember all those feelings! I’m still getting my blog together at melissalavonne.net and I had my 2nd baby in December. So I wish I had been done with all my major life events before she was born. I’m currently finishing my bachelors, got married when I was 7 months pregnant, moved to a bigger home all during my pregnancy and still holding it down now. I just wish I wasn’t so distracted so I say remove as many distractions as possible and enjoy the little time you have with you babies.
Marissa
Hi mama! I remember feeling excited in the beginning for big brother because he’d finally have someone to play with. Then as time passed, I grew more nervous as my alone time with my oldest was coming to an end. I became sad for him. He’d have to share his mama. Just like all the mamas above, I didn’t think I could love another human being as much as I loved my first son. I actually remember crying on our way home from the hospital because the fear of not being able to spread my love equally between them was so immense. Leading up to delivery, I read books, played with baby boy dolls, and got my son so excited to have a baby brother. He was excited. I was a nervous wreck. When my third baby came, I knew I could love him just as much as the other two but my main fear was time. How could I juggle all my time to accomodate for each of them? Plus my husband? Plus my home? Plus my full time job? It all works out in the end. The love comes easy. Time is never on our side lol
simplisanders.com
Stephanie
I had so much guilt when I got pregnant with my second. It was unplanned and my 1st was only 6 months old. I wasn’t ready for another baby! I was worried that my 1st would feel like she was being replaced or that she wouldn’t get the time and attention that she deserved. But once my 2nd came along all those feelings went away. My 1st was 15 months old and she LOVED the new baby. Anytime she’d walk into a room that her sister was in she’d pucker up and make kissing sounds and make we’re way over to her to smooch all over her.
Everything ended up being just fine. Kids are so resilient and loving. Don’t worry it will be ok. You will be ok. And your 1st baby will definitely be ok!
My girls are 5 and almost 4 now and they love each other SO much. The little one wants to do whatever the big one does and the older one baby’s and looks out for the little one.
Now, I’d lying if I didn’t say I worry and feel guilty about having 3rd But I think as mommas we find every little thing we can that makes us feel guilty or like we aren’t doing things right. We put so much pressure on ourselves to be a certain way when all our kids need or want is our love and attention!
thisperfectlyimperfectlife.com
P.S. what a great blog post! I would have loved to have read something like this when I was preggo 🙂 and feeling guilty!
Lauren B
For me, going from 1 to 2 was hard. I had a normal pregnancy and delivery with my first. My second I was high risk, induced early, and she was born with medical problems. For the first 2 years she didn’t want me to put her down at all and I had to exclusively breast feed her for 16 months because she would refuse a bottle. It caused me to get PPD. My oldest is now 7 and my youngest is 4. My youngest has been in and out of the hospital since her initial nicu stay at birth. Her main diagnosis is Eosinophilic Esophagitis but she has a number of other diagnosis stemmed off from that. It’s a life-long non-curable disease and she requires a feeding tube for 100% of her nutrition and very restricted oral diet, 3 therapies a week, a surgical procedure every 3 months, and numerous doctors/specialist appointments. My oldest was also recently diagnosed with a life changing medical condition. She has suffered from joint pain for about 4 years now and was diagnosed with Ehler’s Danlos Syndrome-Hypermobility. It’s a rare degenerative disease that affects the connective tissues in your body. She now requires to have a wheelchair to use currently for outings with long walking or just for when she’s in pain. It will get worse and she may need to be in a wheelchair more permanently in the future. There’s no cure for it and just have to handle it with pain management. It was very difficult going from my first child to my second who required a lot of medical attention and still does, but it was harder to go from 1 special needs child to 2, both with 2 different rare diseases. At the end of the day I wouldn’t trade it for the world! Both my girls are my everything and I would do anything to keep getting their amazing hugs, sweet kisses and hear them say “I love you mommy.” My advice for parents going from 1 to 2 is to get into a schedule and routine ASAP. Start a night routine with your first and put them to bed the same time every night before the new baby comes. It will help a lot to have a scheduled bedtime for your first so you have time to care for the new baby and get as much rest as possible at night.
Well, my story is a little different. My first is biological. He is 9, almost 10. My second and third are stepchildren, who entered my life when they were 1 and 5, now almost 4 and 8. All three boys are absolute blessings but true challenges when it comes to juggling schedules. But, I take the three of them with me everywhere, even Disney, by myself with no problem. The boys are in very different stages and all have different needs, but we wouldn’t change it for anything. That being said, we are trying for #4, and who knows, even a #5!
Best of luck Mommas!
Nicole L
Ali T
Don’t freak out lol my 1st is still a big mama’s boy and my 2nd tries to get the attention from him. I just give them both the same love and attention. I actually didn’t cater to my 2nd as much since my first is so clingy and he wants all my attention and it’s made my 2nd more independent. He sleeps by himself and loves to watch his brother. My oldest still sleeps with me and gets very pissy when I cuddle his brother. It gets better they’ll learn to love on each other and it’ll help you out when they get older.
Lisa C
I LOVED having my two within a year! They grew up playing together and living each other. Totally fun to watch them interact. Don’t overthink it. You’ll find that everything just comes naturally. It might be a little busier and you’ll now have to carry along twice the “stuff” but you’ll definitely find it easier to deal with things going on with the baby given your experience with Liam. No need to worry! Soon you get to love TWO precious little angels! (…and your BIG precious angel will be there to help!)
Adjust expectations. Be gentle on yourself, your husband, your first born and things will be fine. Some days you’ll feel like you could manage as many kids as possible, other days you’ll ask yourself if you can barely take care of you. Take it ALL in stride.
Kelly B
Kristina C
I’m a mom of two with my third due in November. Honestly with my first i freaked over everything. Dirt, germs, who was around and things like that. I took my oldest to the ER constantly. Its not a bad thing. I jus didnt know. After my second was born i struggled with how to deal with oldest not liking the middle child. I learned to always share my time with both my kids. But i also realized that kids will play in dirt. They will touch gross things and not every bump is worthy of an ER run. Im not on a blog. I am just a single mom with my babies.
Sharon K
Hi!! Before I even write here, just remember – breathe… ok, now 🙂 my children are 6years apart and we were so nervous our oldest would feel left out, jealous, etc… she has had just us for 6years…she has become the best biggest sister and helper. She helps me and her baby brother (who is almost 2 now). We always included her in conversations so she felt/feels included. We also plan date days and nights with her. Either one parent and her or both of us with her so she still has special time alone with us. Again… breathe
🙂 my husband and I work full time and i was terrified of my commute, time away from both and so much more. I started using Thrive, stopped my 3 cups of coffee and started working out more too. With a clear head and better fuel in my body I was able to tackle my days better and after my son goes to sleep, still have energy and patience for my daughter. You matter! Don’t forget that. Any questions on Thrive, let me know (it’s Vitamins) but remember- you’ve got this mama!! Just keep breathing.
Patience, lots and lots of patience. Its the hardest transition I have ever had at first. However, you adapt and it all falls into place. Sometimes I feel bad for my 1st and I can’t give her the same kind of attention I once could. Its alot of multitasking and preplanning to leave the house. Its been almost 6 months and I can finally say we are setting in as a family of 4.
Kate M.
Beth
https://alittleknickalittleknack.com
I have a 6 year old and a 8 month old so I’ve been there very recently and can relate.
While pregnant I was mostly concerned about how my oldest would cope with sharing the spotlight, however I can happily report that those two already have a such a sweet bond that it brings tears to my eyes.
However I’m not sure I was prepared for some of the day to day practical differences between having one child and two. A few examples:
-Sleep when the baby sleep no longer works. My oldest had to be at school at 7:00 and picked up at 3:30. It never failed the baby would wake up at 5 am leaving no time for me to get back to sleep before I had to rewake the then soundly sleeping baby to take big brother to school. My youngest also normally fell asleep in the pick up line in the afternoon, which while preferable to him crying equated to no nap time for me. I was so much more tired this go round because of these little practical details that equated to A LOT of missed sleeping opportunities.
-Date Nights are so much harder to plan. My parents aren’t up to watching my hyperactive 5/6 year old and an infant at the same time. His parents already have their other grandchildren pretty much 24/7, money is tight so babysitters aren’t really a plausible option. This has led to us having only one 3 hour date night in the past 8 months when my parents kept one and the stars aligned so his parents could watch the other.
I wouldn’t trade either of my children for the whole world but there are so many posts out there saying that having multiple children isn’t THAT much harder and not to worry. In my experience the truth is it is quite a bit harder but it is by far more than worth every single struggle and missed moment of sleep.
And some words from soon to be second time mama’s sharing their honesty as they approach new territory!
Christie
Hi! My name is Christie and my blog is www.simplymybellavida.com
I am about to become a mom of two and I am anxious!!! More than the first time. The first time I was oblivious and I thought everything was going to be and look like a pampers commercial. This time I know what to expect so that makes me a little anxious, but most because I got pretty bad ppd and anxiety with my first son. I’m physically ready for the sleep deprivation and long nights, but a little apprehensive mentally about all of the changes that are going to happen. Most
Of all I’m feeling a little sad that my one-on-one time with my first is about to end, and I am worried about how he will transition to having a newborn around when he is used to all of attention! I didn’t start feeling any of this until around 34/35ish weeks. Before then I was just excited and I still am, but reality is sinking in!
Hi, I’m Hayley and I run a travel blog at www.lifeasabutterfly.com we have a 15 month year old and are hoping to have another in around 9 months time…😉 we spend all of our spare cash on travel so my major worry is that it will become unaffordable…so much so that we are considering a move abroad to overcome that problem!
Brandi M
Mom of an almost 2 year old and due anytime now. I know we have talked before about the emotions we both are experiencing. At first I was just extremely excited. Then I started having morning sickness and was exhausted. I also had a more difficult pregnancy which led me to take extra precautions. I felt so guilty for my 16 month old at the time. I felt selfish for wanting another baby so soon. And also afraid of getting to attached to my unborn daughter and something happening. It was hard. My emotions were everywhere. Once 20 weeks hit I was given the news that everything is clear. So I finally allowed myself to start getting more excited etc. But at the same time the nerves really kicked in. I wasnt ready to leave my son overnight yet. Even if it is with the grandparents. He has no security blanket or any comfort item except for me. He plays with my hair to go to sleep every night. If he wakes up he plays with my hair and falls back asleep.( we currently cosleep,long whole different story ) lol. I’m his safety. And the thought of him waking up in the middle of the night when I’m at the hospital and no me not being there upsets me so much. But now finally at 39 weeks I’m starting to make myself think he will be fine. Its prob more hard on me then it will be for him. Anyways at this point I’m extremely excited to have our daughter here with us as nervous as I am. I know we will figure this whole thing out.
Alecia B
I’m freaking out as August gets closer! I am not ready for Tommy to not be my entire world and with me 24 hours a day. I’ve never left him with a sitter so I am super anxious to have to leave him.. not only for a few hours but overnight. We don’t have family to watch him in Hawaii so he’s never had the “I’m going to Grandma’s” for a little bit while mommy and Daddy go on a date experience. We have the most amazing relationship and he’s such an extremely happy and lovable boy that I’m petrified our relationship is going to change once it’s not just us all day. I never want him to feel pushed aside or left out. He will be 16 months when I am due. Ah!
I hope these stories and pieces of advice have given you some hope or made you smile. You got this mama!
XO,
Work at Home Chaos 